


A Secret Service

by deanieweaniewrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Breakup, Dean in Panties, Dom Castiel, Edging, Fluff, Happy Ending, Inexperienced Dom Cas, Light Bondage, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Sub Dean, face fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanieweaniewrites/pseuds/deanieweaniewrites
Summary: Dean has been keeping a secret from Castiel throughout their entire six month relationship. Finally telling him leads to the worst possible outcome, but fortunately it won't be the last time he sees Castiel.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 110
Collections: Takeout Tacos





	A Secret Service

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is the first time I've written something entirely in Castiel's POV, so that's exciting. This is very angsty, but I promise it has a happy ending.

Castiel loved his boyfriend. He loved him so much he could write sonnets about the main. He was sweet, funny, charming, loving, sexy, and so giving. There was nothing he could possibly change about him. 

They both had busy lives, but made time for each other in every way they could. Dean worked for his uncle at the auto shop he owned. Castiel was a physician’s assistant for a pediatrician, so he worked long hours on weekdays. 

On weekends, they met up, usually at Castiel’s house. Dean would cook for them while Castiel provided emotional support. He was good at a lot of things, but cooking wasn’t one of them. Baking? That was easy. Everything had exact measurements and methods. Cooking was too inexact for Castiel to get just right. Dean had a gift for it. 

Tonight, Dean was making salmon with steamed green beans and garlic mashed potatoes. Castiel’s mouth was watering as he watched. 

Dean looked over at Castiel and chuckled. “You’re staring at this salmon like it’s a hot piece of ass.”

Castiel leaned against the counter. “Hm, well I am standing next to a hot piece of ass.”

“Oh, is that all I am to you?” Dean teased with a grin.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You know better than that.” He wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle, kissing the back of his neck. His eyes travelled to a darker spot on Dean’s skin. He looked down and saw a small, fading bruise on Dean’s shoulder. He ran his thumb over it. “What’s this?”

Dean glanced back. “Hm? Oh, that. I was coming out from underneath a car and I whacked my shoulder pretty good on the exhaust pipe.”

  
Castiel nodded a bit and gently kissed over the small bruise. He could have sworn it looked like a hickey, and he certainly didn’t put one there last week. He hugged Dean a little tighter. Dean wouldn’t lie to him. 

But would he? Castiel wasn’t stupid. He noticed things. Sometimes Dean had marks on his wrists. Castiel knew that Dean didn’t wear bracelets, and they didn’t look like marks from bracelets. It looked like Dean had been up to something kinky, and it certainly wasn’t with Castiel. Their sex life was strictly vanilla, and Dean always topped. 

Castiel followed Dean to the table, sitting down to eat. Dean was acting weird. He wasn’t nearly as talkative, and he looked visibly upset. 

“Are you alright? You’re quiet.” Castiel was watching Dean closely.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. It’s just been a long day.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Dean gave a smile. “Just having you here helps.” 

Castiel quietly ate his dinner. He felt like Dean was lying right to his face. He knew he was. He was too tense and awkward to be telling the truth. Something was going on. Castiel ate his entire plate of food, and not a single word had been exchanged between them.

Dean finished his dinner and tapped his fingers against his thighs. “Hey, Cas?”

“Hm?”

“I have something to tell you.”

Castiel froze for a moment, his eyes flicking to the bruise on Dean’s collarbone again. Fuck, this was really happening. “Okay.”

Dean swallowed. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, like since we started dating. I should have told you then, and I’m an asshole for not doing it, but you have to let me explain, okay?”

Castiel felt the anger rising up within him. He was right. Dean was a cheater. “You’re seeing someone else, aren’t you?”

“No! Well, not really? It’s hard to explain.”

“I don’t think cheating is that hard to explain.” Castiel’s voice was icy now. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or to throw something.

“I have a second job. I started it a few years ago to help pay the bills. I have a bunch of clients that I see and-”

“I’ve heard enough.” Castiel got up and started grabbing his things. “I wouldn’t have judged you for sex work if you told me right off the bat, but you lied to me for six months. Six months! Lose my fucking number.” 

Dean jumped out of his seat. “No, Cas, please! It’s not like that, I promise. Can you just listen to me?”

“I don’t have to listen to you try to excuse yourself from this. You can tell yourself whatever you need to hear to sleep at night, but I don’t have to hear it. Goodbye, Dean.” Castiel stormed out of Dean’s apartment and slammed the door, leaving Dean alone.

  
  


Castiel wasn’t a very angry person, usually. Today was different. He got back to his place and threw his wallet across the room with a shout. He had managed to hold back the tears up until then, but they flowed as soon as he laid down in his bed. 

Six months with someone he thought he could trust, wasted. He meant what he said. If he knew that Dean was a sex worker at the beginning, he would have been fine with it. The lying was what ended it for him. If Dean had lied so easily about that to him, what else would he lie about? It wasn’t a situation Castiel felt he should put himself in anymore. 

Castiel ignored all of Dean’s calls the next day. He deleted every text that popped up on his phone. By lunchtime, he had deleted him off every social media and was close to blocking him. He invited his best friend Meg over that night to talk everything over and figure things out. 

Meg poured Castiel another glass of wine and poked him in the chest. “Hey, don’t get all mopey on me. I know you’re upset, but you’re gonna get through this. You deserve better.”

Castiel took the glass and sighed. “I really liked him, Meg. I loved him. I still love him, even though he lied to my face for six months. I wouldn’t have cared if he just told me!” He huffed. 

Meg shook her head. “You have every right to be angry. I may have some grey morals, but lying is a big no-no in my books. You said you saw a hickey on him?”

Castiel nodded. “It’s not the first one I’ve seen. I had my suspicions, but I refused to look into them or think about it too hard. It hurt too much. I never had any concrete evidence, just little things. He always had a perfect excuse for everything, and I believed him. One time, he had scratch marks down the side of his arm, and he said it was his brother when they were wrestling each other.”

Meg made a face. “Okay, you should have called him out on that one. That’s ridiculous.”

“I know. That was three months in.”

“Oh, Clarence. You must have really liked him to overlook something like that.”

Castiel nodded, looking down. “We worked really well together. Yeah, we were both busy, but we made it work. We spent every weekend together, texted throughout the day, and he’d call me at night just to keep me company. He cooked for me, I baked for him, it was perfect. The sex was a little awkward sometimes, which still doesn’t make sense.”

“How was it awkward?”

“I don’t know. He just got a little insecure every once in a while and we’d have to slow down. He always insisted on topping, which I didn’t mind. It was good, but you’d think he’d be more confident in it, you know? I don’t know. I’m making assumptions.”

Meg shrugged. “You think you’ll ever reconnect? Maybe be friends?”

“No. I don’t know. I’m angry right now. All I asked from him was honesty. I asked questions when I was suspicious, he lied. I believed him, which was stupid on my part, but he still lied to me, over and over.” Castiel finished off his glass of wine with a sigh. 

Meg hummed. “Well, take your time. You might change your mind. I liked him a lot. I thought you two were a good pair. I don’t like him now, obviously. He hurt you, and I can’t stand for that. What do you think his motivation was for telling you?”

Castiel shrugged. “I mean, our six month anniversary was last week. I guess he didn’t want to ruin that nice dinner. I think he knew that telling me was going to make me leave.” He thought for a moment. “Well, I don’t know. If he thought that, then why would he even tell me?”

“Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he loved you too. Maybe he felt like shit for lying to you.”

“Maybe. He was acting a little weird the whole night. He tried to explain himself more, but I left before he could finish. I didn’t want to hear about it.”

Meg nodded. “Well, maybe one day you will want to hear him out. Don’t burn any bridges.”

“I think I already did by telling him to lose my number. I’ve declined his calls all day.”

Meg sighed. “You’re hurt, I’m sure he knows that. You’ll bounce back, I know it.”

“Thanks, Meg.”

Castiel went to bed late that night. He had his phone on Do Not Disturb while Meg was there, and he hadn’t looked at it since dinner. He laid in bed and saw three texts from Dean. He wanted to delete them, but he was a little wine-drunk now, so he went against his better judgement and read the messages. 

**Dean Winchester**

_ I know you’re pissed. You should be. I should have told you about all of this sooner _

**Dean Winchester**

_ I don’t want to lose you. You mean the world to me. _

**Dean Winchester**

_ Cas, please answer. I can make this better. _

Castiel felt tears welling up in his eyes again. He rubbed them away with the back of his hand.

**Castiel Novak**

_ No, you can’t make this better. Please stop texting me. _

**Dean Winchester**

_ Okay. I’ll stop. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Cas. _

**Castiel Novak**

_ “I’m sorry” doesn’t make up for six months of lying. Goodbye. _

Castiel tossed his phone to the other side of the bed and stared up at the ceiling. His chest hurt, and he was crying fully now. Things used to be so good. 

~~~

“Happy four months.” Dean grinned as he held out a large bag to Castiel.

Castiel beamed and leaned over the back to kiss Dean. “You didn’t have to get me anything. Get in here.” He pulled Dean into his house by the wrist.

“Of course I did. You always get me something.”

Castiel hummed. “I do, but I don’t expect anything in return.”

“Shut up, you deserve it. Open it.” Dean stuck the bag in Castiel’s arms. 

Castiel took the bag, shocked by how heavy it was. He set the bag on the floor and pulled the tissue paper out, peeking inside. His eyes widened and he looked up at Dean. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” Dean grinned proudly.

Castiel pulled out the box that contained a brand-new stand mixer. “Oh my god…”

“Now you can make those meringues without your arms falling off from using the hand mixer.”

Castiel stood back up fully and hugged Dean tightly. “Thank you, this is so sweet.”

Dean hugged him back. “You’re welcome, baby. It was kind of a selfish gift. I love your baking and this will make it easier.”

Castiel stepped back and picked up the box to carry it to the kitchen. “In fairness, what I got for you was a little selfish too. Come on.” He led the way to the kitchen and set the box on the counter. He pointed to a wrapped box on the island countertop. 

Dean’s eyes widened a bit at how large the box was. “Dude, this is huge.” He ripped the wrapping paper off the side and his jaw dropped. Inside was a new set of pots and pans to replace Dean’s old and worn down set. 

“Told you it was selfish. Now you can cook for me more.”

Dean shook his head. “This is amazing. Thank you so much.” He kissed Castiel on the cheek. “I love it.”

Castiel smiled. “I love you.” His eyes widened a bit after that slipped out. He knew he loved Dean, but neither of them had said it yet.

Dean smiled. “I love you too.”

~~~

Castiel spent the next week being a blob. He worked a typical nine to five shift every weekday, which seemed easy in theory, but it drained him at times. He woke up every morning at seven, at a granola bar for breakfast, went to work, then came home and laid around his apartment. He attempted to cook for himself one night, but it just made him sad. His food didn’t taste nearly as good as anything Dean made for him. 

When he called Meg again on Friday, she came over and yelled at him to get off his ass. She could be harsh at times, but Castiel knew it was out of love. He pulled himself together a little more after that. He started going on his morning runs again, bought food he actually knew how to make and cooked for himself, and even tried baking a new cookie recipe one night. 

Every time he thought about Dean, he was sad again. It was still so fresh, even after two weeks. He was still avoiding places that he knew Dean frequented. That was, until his car broke down on the way home from work. 

He called a tow truck, and of course the closest shop was Bobby’s. Castiel wanted to tell the driver to go somewhere else, but he was tired, and he knew it would be more expensive. 

Castiel saw the impala parked out front at the shop. Maybe he wouldn’t have to talk to Dean? He got out of the tow truck and looked at his poor car on the back. He drove a ‘78 Lincoln Continental Mark V, and it was on the brink of death. He wasn’t really sure how it ran anymore. 

Unfortunately for Castiel, Dean was the one to emerge from the shop to see what was going on. 

“Cas? You okay?”

Castiel nodded, not making eye contact. “I’m fine. I just broke down on the way home from work.”

Dean looked at the car on the back of the tow truck as the driver was about to get it off. “Okay, I’ll see what I can do for it. Has anything happened since I last tuned it up?”

Castiel shook his head. “No. I was just driving and the engine sputtered, and then it slowly stopped and I had to pull over.”

Dean nodded, keeping a professional manner. He didn’t say anything else to Castiel and instead went to help the tow truck driver. 

Castiel stood off to the side and kept his arms folded over his chest. He was still in his work clothes. His white dress shirt was tucked in neatly to his black dress pants. He had on a blue tie, no coat. In his office, he had a collection of fun enamel pins. He’d pick one to put on his shirt every day. Today he had a little sunshine pin. The sun was wearing sunglasses. He envied that happy little sunshine right now.

Castiel watched while Dean looked under the hood of his car. It was hard not to stare at him like this. He was in a tight black t-shirt and jeans that were low on his hips. He had grease on his arms, hands, and a little smudge on his chin. 

“I’m gonna be honest, Cas, I don’t know how much I can do. The engine is shot. It’s just really old. I can get a replacement, but it would probably be easier to just get a new car. This one breaks down every other week, and it doesn’t even start from time to time.”

Castiel sighed. “Yours is older than mine. How do you keep it running so well?”

“I work on her constantly. I’ve had to replace a lot of parts, but everything is well-maintained. This one was already a mess when you got it, so it’s just been a game of catch-up since then. Sorry.”

Castiel shook his head. “It’s okay. I was looking into getting a new car soon anyways.”

“We can scrap this one for you. And um...If you give me like ten minutes, I can give you a ride home.”

Castiel swallowed. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Your house isn’t far out of the way. It’ll be easier than getting an Uber.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Dean nodded a bit. “I’ll be out in a bit.” He went back inside the shop.

Castiel sighed and ran his hands over his face. He used the time that Dean was gone to gather his belongings out of his car. He packed them all in a tote bag he kept in the bag. He swept through the car to make sure that there was nothing left, and said goodbye to the car that had taken him around for the last ten years.

Dean emerged after about ten minutes. “Alright, let’s get you home.”

Castiel got into the passenger seat of the impala and buckled himself in. He stared out the window. Looking at Dean just brought back the pain of the breakup again. The engine roared to life and Dean started driving. 

“Cas, I just wanted to say-”

“Don’t. Please don’t. If you’re going to do this, let me out of the car now and I’ll get an Uber.”

Dean closed his mouth. “Okay. Sorry.”

Castiel sighed. “It’s okay. I just don’t want to have that conversation. I appreciate you doing this for me, but it doesn’t change where we stand. I don’t have any interest in talking about what happened, at least not right now.”

“I understand.” Dean’s voice was quiet, and Castiel could see out of the corner of his eye that he was upset. It hurt too much to see, so he looked the other way. 

Dean stopped in Castiel’s driveway, looking over at him. “Here we are.”

“Thanks.” Castiel picked up his tote bag and got out of the car. 

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” 

Castiel gave a small nod before turning and walking into his house. He knew he was being cold, but seeing Dean again opened up all of the feelings again, and he needed to push him away. It was too close for comfort there. 

Castiel made himself soup for dinner and sat on his back porch while he ate. It was hard to keep his mind off of Dean after seeing him again. 

~~~

“Hey, I said no extravagant gifts for this anniversary. They got too big.” Dean pouted as he was handed a little bag. 

“Hush, this is tiny, and six months is a little more important than four months. We didn’t do anything last month.”

Dean hummed. “I feel like a teenager again, celebrating every month.”

“It’s a good excuse to spoil each other.” Castiel kissed Dean’s cheek. “Open it.”

Dean opened the little bag and pulled out a little stuffed cat. “Haha, hilarious.”

Castiel chuckled. “You won’t sneeze around that one.” They had volunteered at an animal shelter together the previous weekend, and Dean discovered that he had a pretty bad cat allergy.

“Well now I feel bad. I didn’t get you anything.” Dean pouted.

“You’ve given me your lovely presence. I think that’s plenty.”

“That was cheesy.” Dean hummed, curling up to Castiel.

Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and leaned down to kiss his neck, humming lowly against his skin. He started to slide a hand under Dean’s shirt, but he was stopped. 

“I’m um...I’m really not up for anything sexy tonight, if that’s okay.”

Castiel sat up. “Of course it’s okay. What about cuddling and a movie?”

“Sounds great.” Dean smiled, practically throwing himself over Castiel’s lap. “I still need to make you watch Harry Potter.”

“There’s like eight of those movies!”

“Can’t hurt to start them. C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss Dean’s forehead. “Okay, okay.”

~~~

Castiel just barely started to feel like himself again three weeks after the breakup. He was back on his normal schedule, he had a new car, and he could get through his day without getting sad a lot. 

It was way too soon to start dating, but Castiel wanted something. He had been wanting to explore himself a little more for a long time, but hadn’t really had the means to do it. He had seen kinky porn dozens of times and wanted to try it, but he’d never had a partner that wanted to, as far as he knew. 

What made it harder was the fact that he knew he wanted to be on the dominant side of things. He couldn’t imagine that there were many subs who wanted to coach a dominant through everything. 

Castiel got an idea one evening about how to explore this part of himself. Surely there were services where he could hire someone. He did some searching online and found an agency with subs and doms for hire nearby. 

He filled out a long form about himself and the things he was into. He wasn’t sure what a lot of them were, so he only picked the ones he knew he could handle. He put his experience level at zero, and the site gave him a few matches. He looked at the available times to narrow down his choices, and went with 8pm the next day. 

He received an email with his match and kind of wished he knew more about him. He got a height, body type, and hair color, but nothing more. He had chosen the option for no penetrative sex. He didn’t feel confident enough in his ability to figure out this Dom stuff and have sex.

The next day, Castiel was more nervous than he thought he would be. He was fortunate enough to have work to focus on so that he wasn’t constantly thinking about what was about to happen. Flu season was coming up, so most of his day was spent administering flu shots to the kids. There were a few that were hard, like a toddler that managed to jump off the table and run out of the room, screaming at the top of her lungs. One of the nurses caught her in the hallway and her mom had to hold her while Castiel gave the shot as quickly as possible. 

Castiel finished his last appointment of the day and decided he was getting take-out for dinner. He was too wired to try and cook for himself. He went to a sandwich shop chain and got himself a sandwich and salad meal to take home. 

With every passing minute, he kept looking at the clock, tapping his foot anxiously. What if the sub was mean, or wasn’t willing to teach him? What if this was a mistake? Castiel shook his head. No, he wanted this. He wanted to explore BDSM and see what he liked, and this was the way to do it right now. 

At seven thirty, he got into his car and put in his address for the facility. He was glad that he got to go somewhere else and no one was coming to his house. It kept more anonymity.

Castiel walked in and had to sign in at a desk. He hadn’t needed to put his name anywhere until now, and he felt weird about using his own name. The line did say preferred name, so people probably wrote down fake names all the time. He wrote down “Jimmy” and double-checked everything on the form, which was the same one he filled out online. He hadn’t changed his mind about anything he had checked, so he handed the form back to the receptionist, who got up and led him down a hallway and to a door. 

“You can wait in here. Your partner will be in shortly.”

“Thanks.” Castiel walked into the room and looked around. He expected some kind of sex dungeon room, but instead it looked like a normal bedroom. He spotted some metal loops on the ceiling and a dresser that was probably full of equipment and toys. He rolled up the sleeves on his dress shirt and stood awkwardly in the center of the room, unsure of what to do. 

A few minutes later, the door opened and closed. Castiel turned around, and his jaw dropped, his face going pale. 

Dean was looking at a piece of paper in his hand as he walked in, not looking up yet. “Jimmy?” He looked up, and realization fell over his face. “Cas?”

Castiel gulped. “This-I…”

Dean stared for a few seconds. “I’ll uh...I’ll go talk to them, get you a refund, I’m sorry.”

Castiel wasn’t sure what took over him, but he didn’t want Dean to leave. “Wait, you don’t have to do that.” 

Dean backed up a bit. “Why? You don’t even want to speak with me, why would you want to do this?”

“I didn’t know that this is what you did.”

“You would have known if you let me finish, or listened to me at all.”

Castiel sighed. “I’m sorry. Maybe I do want to listen now.”

“Why? Because I just found out in the weirdest way that you’re into kinky shit too?” 

Castiel shook his head. “No, because I’ve felt like shit for not hearing you out for the past three weeks. Look, what you did hurt me a lot. You already know that. But I meant what I said. If you had told me within the first few weeks that you were doing this, it wouldn’t have been a problem. I probably wouldn’t have wanted you to have sex with clients, but I wouldn’t have wanted you to quit for me.”

Dean walked over to the bed and set the paper down. “I don’t have sex with clients. I stopped after our first date.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

Dean nodded a bit. “What made you decide to use this service? There’s clubs and forums to find people, so why here?”

“I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve wanted to, but I didn’t know where to start. The website said that any experience level was fine, and this seemed like a safe bet. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“Ah, that’s right, your card said you were a newbie. Why the fake name?”

Castiel shrugged. “I felt weird about it. It said preferred name, and I wanted to stay anonymous. So much for that.”

Dean chuckled a bit. “Yeah.”

“I really wouldn’t have guessed that you were into this. You never showed any signs when we were together. You always topped.”

“Well, first of all, you can be a submissive and top. Secondly, I only did that because I felt like it hid my secret a little better. I know it was stupid. Funny enough, if I thought about it long enough, I could have guessed that you were into this.”

“How?”

“You’re really bossy in bed.”

Castiel pouted a bit. 

“It’s a compliment. I liked it.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m really sorry, Cas. I knew deep down that you would have been okay with it, and I still lied to you, for a long-ass time.”

Castiel nodded a bit, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive you, but I’m willing to try.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t mean that I want to start dating again. I’m ready to try to be friends. I can’t make any promises that it’ll work, but I promise that I’ll try to be forgiving and amicable.”

Dean nodded and smiled a bit. “Thanks. I meant it when I said I really didn’t want to lose you. I’ll accept friendship if you’re willing to give it.” He glanced at the form on the table. “I should ask them to find you someone else. They usually stick me with the newbies, but there’s some other guys that would be cool with showing you the ropes.”

Castiel glanced at the form as well. “You’re a good teacher?”

Dean shrugged. “I try. I’m really experienced and I’ve helped a lot of guys and girls figure things out, so whenever someone puts in a low experience level, I’m the first choice if they like guys.”

“Would you be willing to teach me?”

Dean blinked and stared. “You’d want me to?”

“Well, I already know you and trust you not to think I’m an idiot for not knowing anything about all of this. I’ve already paid to be here.”

“Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of just being friends?”

“We wouldn’t be in a relationship if I were a stranger.”

Dean seemed skeptical. “I’ll be honest, I’d love to teach you. I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’m just confused about some of the logistics here.”

“I don’t really have any logic behind it. I just think you’d be a good teacher. It doesn’t make us anything more than friends. I picked the ‘no sex’ option because I thought it would be a stranger and I wasn’t confident enough for it. But, it’s you, and we’ve done this before, sort of. I’d be okay with sex.”

Dean nodded along. “I’m just not sure how well this is going to work if you’re still pissed at me. That’s a terrible headspace to be in for this.”

“I’m not pissed, not anymore. A little sad, maybe, but the anger is gone.”

“Okay. Like I said, I’m one hundred percent down for this, I just want to make sure that you’re sure you want to do this. I can’t handle you being angry at me anymore.”

Castiel frowned a bit, then nodded. “I’m sure, and I promise that if that changes, I won’t be angry with you.”

“Okay.” Dean picked up the form again. “So, when you say experience level zero, do you really mean zero?”

“The only experience I have is porn.”

“Yeah, that’s a zero, then. Do you know the concept of safewords?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, a word that you can say to stop everything if it becomes too much.”

“Mmhm. Do you know about the stoplight system?”

Castiel shook his head.

“It’s my personal favorite safeword system. You have three instead of one. Green means that everything is great and can continue exactly how it is. Yellow means that something is wrong, but it’s fixable. Just slow down and change something to make it better. Red is like the safeword you’re thinking of. That means to stop everything immediately, scene’s over.”

Castiel nodded. “That’s neat, so you just check in on each other?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it’s a good way to communicate and see how the other person is doing.” He looked at the form. “Some of these are probably a bit too intense to try during your first scene. I’m going to veto the use of impact play toys today. You’re better off starting with your hand and getting good with that first.”

Castiel nodded. “Honestly I just checked everything that I was even mildly interested in. I left off the ones I didn’t know and that sounded like they weren’t fun.”

“Smart choice.” Dean set the form aside and stood up. “I’m gonna go ahead and ditch my clothes if that’s alright with you.”

“That’s fine. Should I undress too?”

“Try keeping yours on. It makes for a fun power imbalance when I’m naked and you’re still fully clothed.” Dean pulled his shirt off over his head and stepped out of his jeans.

Castiel’s breath hitched when he saw that Dean had on a pair of pink, lacy panties. The hems were scalloped and a little white bow adorned the front. Castiel had no idea that he had a kink for that until he saw it.

Dean seemed to notice Castiel staring. “I guess I’ll keep these on then.” He grinned. “Let’s try something easy first. You marked face-fucking on here, one of my favorites. Ever done it before?”

Castiel shook his head. “I’ve always been afraid of accidentally hurting someone.”

“Well, lucky for you, I already know I can deep throat all of you, and I can hold my breath for a long time.” He walked over to Castiel, grabbing a pillow from the bed and putting it on the floor. He knelt down on it and looked up at him. “We’re going to need non-verbal safewords for this. If I draw a ‘G’ on your leg, it’s green. Two taps is yellow, and grabbing your thigh is red.”

Castiel nodded. “Okay, got it. Is there anything I’m supposed to say?”

“Go with the flow. I’m yours to play with. Don’t go easy on me with this. Fuck my face almost like you would my ass. I can’t breathe when you do that though, so you’ll have to give me frequent breaks. I like a bit of breathplay, but I know my limits. I’ll tap for yellow if I need a break. This is all based on trust. I trust you not to hurt me and to pull off when I ask, and you’ll have to trust me to tell you when I need a break.”

“Okay.” Castiel took a deep breath and unzipped his pants. He was already half-hard from seeing Dean in panties, so he was eager to get started. He pulled his cock out and held the back of Dean’s head. He rubbed the head of his cock along Dean’s lower lip, impressed when he didn’t move, staring up at Castiel while he waited for instruction. “Good. Open.” 

Dean opened his mouth, the corner of his lips curling up into a grin. He seemed happy with what Castiel was doing. 

Castiel slid his cock into Dean’s mouth slowly at first, letting out a soft breath as Dean’s tongue slid around the underside of his shaft, slicking him up. His lips closed around Castiel and he sucked gently. Castiel pushed forward a little more, moaning as he slid into Dean’s throat. “What’s your color?”

Dean drew a ‘G’ on Castiel’s thigh and gave him a wink, his body lax and ready.

Castiel nodded before slowly beginning to slide back and forth. Dean kept his head still, bracing it slightly against Castiel’s hand. His legs were a little spread and his hands on his thighs, ready to hold himself steady. Castiel gave Dean a short break to get a few good breaths in before starting again, faster this time. His hand tightened, gripping Dean’s hair. He assumed that was a good thing, because it drew a groan out of the submissive.

Castiel got more and more confident with every passing second. He was good at stopping when Dean started to struggle, and it felt amazing. Dean was right about the clothes thing. The power imbalance was clear and made the whole situation way hotter. 

“Harder. Take me, Castiel.” Dean breathed out, looking up at him with dark eyes.

Castiel’s breath hitched and he nodded. He didn’t hold back as much anymore, fucking Dean’s face with abandon. He caught little glimpses of the panties barely holding in Dean’s cock, making him groan as he got closer. He didn’t need much longer, but it was getting to the point where he would have given Dean a break. “Color?”

Dean drew three frantic G’s on Castiel’s thigh, tears and drool covering his face. 

Castiel pushed in three more times before coming hard down Dean’s throat, his hand going wicked tight in the submissive’s hair. He pulled back a little early, and the last spurt landed on Dean’s outstretched tongue as he gasped for air. 

Dean looked absolutely wrecked. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were bright red, and he had saliva all over his face that mixed with the tears that had poured down his face. “Holy fuck.” Even his voice was destroyed. 

“Was that okay?”

“Okay? That was amazing. Shit, you’re good at this.” Dean ran a hand through his hair and looked up at Castiel. “Give me like, five minutes to collect myself and then we can try something else.”

Castiel looked down at Dean’s erection trapped behind the lace. “Do you need me to-”

“No, I’m good. You marked edging on there, so let’s save it, yeah?”

“Oh, right. Okay. Can I take my clothes off now?”

“You’re in charge. Up to you.” Dean stood up and wobbled a bit before catching his balance. 

Castiel decided to at least get his shirt off. The clothing differences were fun while they lasted, now it was hot in here and he needed some air. He set his shirt on the dresser and watched as Dean opened a mini fridge and chugged half a bottle of water. 

“C’mere.”

Castiel walked over to Dean. “I’m gonna stress this a lot, because whoever you’re with is going to need it. Aftercare is one of the most important parts of a scene, if not the most important. I have a bit of a plan for how this next part is going to go down, and I know myself. I’ll need the aftercare. We have staff that can help me if needed, but I don’t want to send you out into the world of kink without knowing what it is.”

“I think I know a little bit about it. It’s like a lot of physical and verbal reassurance, right? Cuddles, water, praise?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, you’ve got the gist of it. It’s super important, because after a heavy scene, I’ll be in a headspace where I’m really vulnerable. I’ll need the praise and affirmation. There’s water, juice, and packs of crackers in the mini fridge. Sugar is good to get some energy back. Aftercare is important for both of us. Once I’m able to, we’ll discuss everything we did. We talk about what we liked, what could have changed, and what we’d like to try next time.” He walked over to the dresser and started looking through the top drawer.

“That sounds...healthy. If only more things had aftercare.”

“If only.” Dean looked back at Castiel. “Want a mini intro to bondage while we’re at it?”

Castiel had a vivid image in his head of Dean being tied to the bed, and if he didn’t just come, he’d be hard again. He nodded. “Sure.”

“Let’s try these, then. Can’t go wrong with ‘em.” Dean pulled out a pair of leather cuffs with silver buckles and chain connecting them. “These are a little easier than the traditional ones, and they don’t leave marks as bad as the others do.”

Castiel thought for a moment. “They leave two lines, right? I’ve seen those marks on you before.”

Dean paused and blushed. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“It’s okay.” Dean seemed to brush off the comment pretty well. He sat down on the bed and laid down, putting his arms over his head. “C’mere.”

Castiel got on the bed and waited for instruction. 

“You can go ahead and put these on me. Thread them through the bars of the headboard. There’s only two holes for the buckle, use the first one. The second one is too tight. You never want anything to cut off circulation. You can ask me every now and then to wiggle my fingers and make sure they aren’t numb.”

Castiel nodded and started fastening the cuffs around Dean’s wrists. “They’re not too tight now, are they?”

Dean wiggled his fingers. “Nope, feels good. Thanks for asking.” He shifted a bit to get comfortable. “Also, this isn’t the most comfortable position after a while, it’ll start hurting my shoulders eventually, so keep an eye on the clock and check in with me.”

“Okay.”

Once Dean was settled into a spot he was comfortable in, he spread his legs a little, bending one knee and letting his head fall back slightly. 

Castiel’s eyes widened at the sight, color rising to his cheeks. He gulped. “So, edging?”

“Mmhm. We can keep it simple, just an edging handjob. I’ll tell you to stop when I’m close. We can go for as long as you want. I have a good bit of patience, but I know from experience that this gets intense fast. Remember the safewords. You can give in to my begging if you want, but if I really need it to be over, I can safeword.” He nodded towards the little bedside table. “There’s lube in the top drawer, to ease the way a bit.”

Castiel opened the top drawer and took out a bottle of lube. “Okay. Are you ready?”

“Mmhm.”

Something had shifted in Castiel. He was getting more and more confident with this, and it was starting to show. “I think you can give me a better response than that.”

The grin on Dean’s face dropped and he blushed a pretty pink, his lips parting slightly. “Yes, sir.”

Castiel hummed his approval, arousal coiling in his belly. He straddled Dean’s thighs. “Color?”

“Green, sir.” Something had shifted in Dean, too. He had been pretty laid-back through all of this, trying to keep the mood light while he taught Castiel the basics. Now, he looked way more submissive and malleable. His body was relaxed, but his breathing was a little faster from arousal. 

Castiel remembered a few of the things that made Dean tick. He ran his hands up his chest, brushing his thumbs over his nipples. The gasp he got in return confirmed what he already knew, that Dean’s nipples were incredibly sensitive. Castiel flicked his thumbs back and forth over the buds a few times before pinching them, more rough than he usually would have been. He grinned with pride when Dean moaned, melting into the bed even more.

When Castiel sat up fully and looked down, he saw that Dean was fully hard behind the lace. He brushed his fingers over the head of his cock over the panties. “These are nice. You look good in them.” He hooked two fingers into the waistband and pulled it down and under Dean’s balls, letting it rest there.

Castiel poured some lube into his hand before sliding it over Dean’s shaft. Seeing him all tied up and helpless was way more arousing than Castiel ever expected it to be. He knew he had a kink, but this was a whole new level. 

He started slow, just stroking Dean while he watched him squirm. He knew he wasn’t giving him enough to get anywhere, and it had to be frustrating after a few minutes. Dean kept attempting to move his hips, but Castiel was half-sitting on his thighs, so he couldn’t move much, and it seemed to rile him up even more. 

Castiel used his other hand just to touch Dean absent-mindedly. He brushed a thumb over his hip, traced the lace of the panties, and drew patterns between his freckles. His hand around Dean’s cock started to speed up, and he relished in the moans it drew out of Dean, who pulled on his restraints a little. 

“Fuck-ah!”

Castiel hummed. “Are you close?”

“Little bit…”

“Do I need to stop?”

Dean seemed to think for a moment, then his eyes widened and he nodded. “Yes!”

Castiel took his hand away and found himself grinning as Dean groaned. This was all so new, but so much fun. Castiel was really glad he checked off edging on that form, because this was hot. He knew he was really into it when he started wondering if he should let Dean come at all tonight. But, it was their first scene. He should let him. 

After a minute or so, Dean had calmed down and was starting to get antsy. “I’m ready.”

Castiel tilted his head. “Okay.” He waited, still not moving to start again. 

Dean squirmed and swallowed. “You going to do anything?”

“I thought I was in charge. I’ll decide when we start again.”

Dean’s eyes widened a bit. “Yes, sir.” He sighed. “I should have known that you’d get really into this. I’m not complaining, keep it up. It’s hot.”

Castiel smiled triumphantly. He waited another minute before he took Dean’s cock into his hand and started again. He watched as Dean slowly went from cool and collected to desperate again, eventually calling for Castiel to stop again.

“Fuck...I love edging but man does it suck right at that moment.” He whined, pulling at the cuffs. 

Castiel watched him with a heavy gaze. “I can imagine so. Tell me when you’re ready.”

Dean took another minute or so to calm down before nodding. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Once again Castiel brought Dean to the edge of orgasm, stopping at the last second. He did it again, and again, watching Dean get progressively more frustrated and desperate. 

“Shit, please, please let me come this time. I-I need it…”

Castiel thought for a moment. “Hm, I think we can do two more, and then I’ll let you come.”

Dean whined, pulling on his restraints. “Caaaaas!”

Castiel chuckled softly to himself. “Color?”

“Fuck, green.”

Castiel started up again once Dean was ready. He went faster this time, since it wasn’t taking long for Dean to be close again anymore.

“Please, please, please-”

“Do I need to stop?”

Dean whimpered. “Y-yes.”

Castiel took his hand away and watched Dean squirm and whine. “Getting desperate?”

Dean nodded quickly. “Yes!”

“One more and then you can come. You can do that for me, right?”

Dean whimpered and nodded. “Yes, sir.” He took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock again, stroking him quickly. Dean was moaning immediately, back arching off the bed. It didn’t take long before Dean was looking at Castiel desperately. 

“Stop!”

Castiel took his hand away and started gently rubbing Dean’s thighs. “Good, that was so good. You can come now, okay?”

Dean nodded, antsy under Castiel’s touch. “Please, Cas.”

“I’m here.” Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean again and started stroking him, agonizingly slow.

Dean wailed. “Please!”

Castiel hummed. “Okay, okay.” He came back up to the same pace he had before. “Come for me, Dean.”

Dean gasped and cried out, painting his stomach and chest white with his release. His legs trembled around Castiel and his face and neck flushed red. 

Castiel watched in awe, slowly down and coming to a stop as Dean came down from the high of his orgasm. 

Dean panted heavily, eyes closed as he recovered.

Castiel immediately unbuckled the cuffs around Dean’s wrists and lowered his arms. He remembered the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of apple juice and a pack of peanut butter crackers. He sat at the head of the bed and gently scooped Dean up into his arms. He wasn’t really sure what to say in terms of praise, but he improvised pretty well. “That was so good. You were amazing.”

Dean buried his face in Castiel’s chest, holding onto him tightly. He was way clingier than Castiel had ever seen him before.

“I got you some juice and crackers when you’re ready.”

Dean nodded a bit. “Okay. I need a minute.”

Castiel held Dean close and slowly rocked back and forth. It was so intimate, and it was hard not to think about the feelings he still had. This felt so right, so good. He wanted to sit here and hold Dean forever. 

His train of thought got cut off when Dean made a grabby hand for the juice. Castiel opened the lid and handed him the bottle, watching as he drank several gulps of it. 

“You were great, too. I didn’t expect you to get that confident that fast. It was good. You’re a natural.”

Castiel smiled softly. “I’m glad you think so.”

Dean rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder. He still seemed a little out of it, not quite at one hundred percent yet. “I missed you.” It came out as a mumble, but in such close quarters, Castiel heard him clearly. He sighed.

“I missed you too.” Castiel kissed the top of Dean’s head absent-mindedly. Everything felt weird now. He still felt hurt by what had happened, but if that was true, then why did he want this so badly? Why was he already running back to someone that hurt him?

Dean looked up at Castiel. “Hey, you’re getting tense. Stop thinking. You’re gonna spiral if you do. Just relax and enjoy the cuddles.” He buried his face back in Castiel’s neck. “We can talk later.”

Castiel nodded and sighed. Dean was right. He relaxed and focused on making sure Dean was okay and recovering alright. He ended up feeding the crackers to him by hand. It was friendly, but somehow still deeply intimate. 

Dean started to come back to life, slowly sitting up and stretching. “You doing okay? I know aftercare is mainly focused on the submissive a lot of times, but doms need it to. You’re my only client today, so I can come home with you to make sure you’re doing alright if you need me to.”

Castiel thought for a moment. “I don’t know. I feel weird about everything.”

Dean looked Castiel over. “You don’t need to be alone right now. Let’s get you home, okay? I can stay with you or call Meg. You’re going through dom drop. It’s normal, I should have seen it coming with our situation.”

Castiel nodded a bit. He felt like shit, and he really wanted to be in his own bed. 

Dean got out of the bed and picked up his clothes, quickly getting dressed. He tossed Castiel’s shirt over to him.    
  


“Shouldn’t I be doing more for you? That seemed really intense for you and-”

“Cas, I do this every weekday night. I know myself, and I’m okay. BDSM isn’t just a dom taking care of their sub. It goes both ways, okay? I get to take care of you too, and you need it right now, or you’re going to have a really shitty night.”

“I have work in the morning.”

“I know. I’ll make sure you make it there.”

Castiel put his shirt back on and buttoned it up. “Why do I feel awful?”

“Dom drop. All the endorphins are gone and you’re stuck in all the negative thoughts about what’s happening. It’s common, don’t worry. You’ll get through it, I promise.” Dean pulled his shoes back on. 

Castiel stood up and put his shoes on as well. He made sure his wallet and phone were in his pockets. 

“I need to go grab the rest of my stuff from my locker. Meet me in the parking lot?”

Castiel nodded. “Okay.” 

Dean had a concerned look on his face as he left quickly, leaving the door open for Castiel, who followed shortly after. 

Castiel stood by his car and looked around. There weren’t too many cars left, and sure enough, on the opposite end of the lot was the impala. If Castiel had seen that pulling in, he would have turned back around and left. For no reason he could pinpoint, he was glad that he didn’t see it. 

Dean returned after a minute or so, leather jacket on. 

“Do you know the way from here?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I’ve done it a bunch of times.” He saw the dejected look on Castiel’s face and winced. “Sorry. I’ll follow you there.”

Castiel got into his car and started the engine. He felt sluggish and tired. The drive home felt like it took ages. He was partially relieved when Dean pulled his car in right behind his own. 

It felt normal to let Dean into his house, like a missing puzzle piece was found and put in its place. Castiel closed and locked the door behind Dean. “What now?”

“We go upstairs.” Dean led the way up to Castiel’s room, frowning a bit when he saw how much of a mess it was right now. Castiel was usually extremely tidy and kept his room clean to perfection. He’d felt off lately. 

“I just want to lie down.”

Dean nodded. “You should. Where’s that sweater you like?” He looked around the closet and found it on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to Castiel. “Hopefully it’s not too dirty.”

Castiel took off his shirt and pulled the sweater on instead. It was lavender wool and felt like heaven. It was Castiel’s comfort piece of clothing. He wrapped his arms around himself as he sat on the bed. He set his wallet and phone on the bedside table before laying down, curling up into a ball. 

Dean moved around a little bit behind Castiel before sitting down behind him. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

Castiel nodded. “Mmhm.”

Dean gently rubbed Castiel’s back and pulled the sheet and blanket over him. “Just try to relax. If you feel like talking about what’s going through your head, I’m all ears.”

“I just want to lay here.”

“Okay, that’s fine.”

Castiel laid as still as he possibly could. It felt nice to focus on where Dean was rubbing his back, but another part of him wanted to be completely isolated. He knew better than that. He knew that he didn’t need to be alone right now if he could help it. 

Time slipped by faster than Castiel realized. He opened his eyes and saw the clock reading twenty minutes past when he last looked. Even stranger, he heard his front door open. He sat up quickly. “What?”

Dean looked at Castiel. “It’s okay, I texted Meg from your phone.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you need someone here with you, and you’re still upset with me, so I’m not helping much.”

Meg walked into the bedroom, a little angry looking already. She must have seen the impala in Castiel’s driveway. “What is he doing here?”

“I’m leaving. Cas needs a friend.” Dean stood up from the bed and moved to the side.

Meg was still blocking the door. “If you hurt him again, I swear to god-”

“He didn’t. It’s fine.” Castiel interjected. 

Meg was still skeptical. She stepped to the side and let Dean leave the room. Once he was gone, she walked over to Castiel “You have some explaining to do.”

Castiel briefly wondered if he should tell the whole story. It was a lot of information, but he trusted Meg. She was his best friend. “It’s a long story, but I’ll tell you.”

“Spill.”

“I was lonely and I decided to book myself an appointment with a professional submissive.”

Meg stared for a moment. “Okay. Go on.”

“I didn’t know until I got there, but the person I booked was Dean.”

“Oh shit.”

“We talked a little bit, and then went through with the appointment, no strings attached. It was good, really good. I liked it a lot. But then afterwards I felt like shit. Dean said something about dom drop. He came home with me and texted you from my phone.”

Meg contemplated what she just heard for a moment before speaking. “Well, no wonder you felt like shit. I know you were still mad at him. Look, I’ve dabbled in the kinky stuff. You have to be on good terms with the person you’re doing it with. If there’s resentment or anger, you’re going to feel like shit afterwards. It’ll pass, I promise. You’ve got the right idea with the sweater.”

Castiel wrapped his arms around himself. “Yeah, the sweater feels nice.”

“Now, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to get all cozy in bed, and then I’m going to sit here and talk to you, and we’re going to work through your feelings about Dean. I know it feels a little raw right now, but trust me, you’ll feel better afterwards.”

Castiel nodded a bit. He laid down and pulled the covers over himself. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Meg.”

“Probably die.” Meg grinned. “Alright, so could you try to describe how you feel about Dean right now?”

“I really don’t know. It’s a mixture of things.”

“Are you angry with him?”

Castiel shook his head. “I don’t think so, not anymore. I didn’t feel any anger around him.”

“What about sadness?”

“A lot of that. I’m sad that we couldn’t make it work. I’m sad that I didn’t give him a chance to explain himself, I’m sad that I wasn’t more willing to listen, and I’m sad that he has to suffer because of it.”

“So you still care about him?”

“Deeply. I could even say I still love him.”

Meg nodded. “Do you want to avoid him?”

“Strangely enough, no. I want to be around him all the time. I wish I still spent every weekend with him. I miss him. I miss his car, his laugh, his smile, and all of our inside jokes. I hate that I’ll never have that again.”

“Who says that you can’t?”

Castiel looked up at Meg. “I dumped him.”

“You did. But is he still single?”

“I would hope so, it’s only been three weeks.”

Meg thought for a moment. “Look, right now I don’t like him, only because he hurt you. But, I know you still love him. I think he still cares about you too, if he was willing to come over here and get me here to help you. What do you want from him?”

Castiel didn’t answer for a few seconds. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to be his friend?”

“Maybe. I don’t know if I could do it without the intimacy.”

“So you want him back?”

Castiel sighed. “As if he’d ever take me back. I was an asshole to him.”

“Look, this situation was never black and white. It’s complex and there’s not really a perfect answer to it. Both of you made stupid decisions, one longer than the other, but still. If you’re both willing to forgive each other for those decisions, you might be able to work through it. Do you want to forgive him?”

“I think I already forgive him, mostly.”

“Well, then you’re halfway there. You should talk to Dean about it. I don’t want to encourage you to get back together with him, just because it could go wrong, but I know you two were really happy together. I was honestly shocked that you two broke up. I could have sworn that you two were going to get married one day.”

“You really thought that?”

“I did. Honestly.” Meg smiled. “You know that’s a lot, coming from me. I’m picky about who you date, and I haven’t liked any of them until Dean. He made you really happy, and I thought he was cool.”

“That is saying a lot.” Castiel yawned. “I think you were right. I feel a little better.”

“Told you. So, what are you going to do?”

“I...don’t know yet. I’ll figure it out tomorrow when I have a clear head.”

Meg nodded. “Sounds like a plan. You need me to stay for a little while longer?”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I think I’m alright. Thank you for coming. I’ll repay the favor one day.” 

Meg patted Castiel on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Take care of yourself and keep me updated.”

“Will do.” Castiel closed his eyes once he heard the front door close and lock after Meg left. She knew where his extra key was kidden, so she had easy access to the house. Castiel fell asleep quickly, his body craving the rest.

His alarm the next morning was extremely unwelcome. Castiel groaned and rolled out of bed with a sigh. He got dressed quickly so that he could enjoy a longer breakfast to wake up.

Work was a little busier than usual. Flu season was already proving itself to be a bad one. Castiel had a lot of patients with sick kids, a lot of them with just colds, but a substantial number testing positive for the flu. 

In between patients, Castiel debated what to do about Dean. There wasn’t much to think about, though. The only option there seemed to be was to just talk to Dean. Maybe he would be open to dinner over the weekend to talk about everything. 

When Castiel got off work, he texted Dean from his car. 

**Castiel Novak**

_ Hi. Thanks for texting Meg last night and getting me home. I was wondering if we could talk over dinner sometime soon. Let me know what night would work for you.  _

By the time Castiel got home, he had a response. 

**Dean Winchester**

_ Hey. No problem. I’m actually free tonight, if that’s okay. I’m already planning on cooking, and I can make you a serving too, so you’re welcome to come to my place. _

**Castiel Novak**

_ That works for me. I just got home from work, so I’ll change and head over there. See you soon. _

With that, it was settled. Castiel changed into casual clothes, a wave of anxiety washing over him. What the hell was he supposed to say? He sighed as he got back into his car and started driving to Dean’s apartment. Maybe this was a bad idea. 

It felt even scarier once he was knocking on Dean’s door. He could smell the food from the hall, and it made his mouth water. 

Dean answered the door and smiled awkwardly, clearly nervous as well. “Hey. Come in.”

Castiel walked into Dean’s apartment, hands shoved in his pockets. “What are you making?”

“Spanish chicken and rice.”

Castiel’s stomach growled. “Smells good.”

“Yeah.” Dean walked to the kitchen to check on the food that was cooking. “So, do you want to talk over dinner, or now?”

Castiel thought for a moment. “Might as well start now. I’m here, and it’s just going to be awkward until we start.”

“Fair enough. What did you want to talk about?”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Us. I feel really awful about how everything ended. I feel like I should have listened to you, and I was too harsh, especially when you tried to reach out. I still can’t condone you lying to me for as long as you did, but I’m willing to listen and forgive you. So, if you want, let’s pretend we’re back three weeks ago. Tell me what you would have said to me before I stormed out.”

Dean looked Castiel in the eyes while he was talking, and then turned back to the food, making sure everything was cooking properly. “I’ve been in the business for two years, but I’ve done stuff with kink since I was nineteen, so I’m really experienced. My job with Bobby is great. I love fixing up the cars and working with him, but a job like that doesn’t send your little brother to Stanford, pay rent, and keep me fed. This pays really well, as you probably know now. It’s not cheap to book that kind of service. I do it three to five days a week, depending on what I’m booked for. The system won’t let me get booked for a heavy impact scene more than once a week. I’d never be able to sit down comfortably if it wasn’t like that.”

Castiel listened and nodded, watching as Dean plated the food. 

“When I met you, I wasn’t really open to the idea of a serious relationship, you know that. I thought I was undateable because of what I did as a side job. But you were so understanding about everything I talked about. I felt like I could be honest with you, but I wasn’t, not entirely. I was so scared of losing you. You came into my life and made me the best version of myself, and I didn’t want that to end. So, I kept it hidden. I stopped having sex with clients, which downgraded my pay a bit, but it felt better. Almost every time I saw you, I thought about telling you. It never felt right. It didn’t feel right when I did. At that point, I was certain I’d lose you. And I was right.” Dean set the plates of food down at the table and sat in his chair.

Castiel sat down across from Dean. “Well, you weren’t entirely right. I’m here now.”

Dean gave an awkward smile. “But what does that mean? I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve here.”

Castiel looked away, staring at the delicious-looking food in front of him. “I’m not sure I know that myself. I talked with Meg for a long time last night. She told me that she was convinced we were going to get married.”

“Really? I thought she didn’t like me.”

“Well, she doesn’t like you very much right now, but before all of this she liked you. She knew you were good for me.”

Dean nodded and bounced his fork between his fingers. “So, what now?”

Castiel took a deep breath. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve been a wreck. I...I miss you. I’ve been so lonely every weekend. I missed your cooking, our stupid inside jokes, and everything that we had. I thought it would start to feel better now, but I don’t.”

“I noticed that your room was a mess. That’s really unlike you. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Castiel nodded. “I’m okay. I just…” He sighed. This was harder to say than he thought. “I don’t think I should have dumped you. I regret it, every day. I was just so angry in the moment, and I made a decision before I even thought about it, and now everything is harder. I feel like I made the wrong choice.”

Dean swallowed. “Are you saying that you want me back?”

Castiel nodded sheepishly. 

Dean was quiet for a few seconds. “I...I need a minute. Go ahead and eat.”

Castiel nodded and picked up his fork. As usual, Dean’s cooking was delicious. Castiel tried not to stew in his own thoughts in the silence. It was tense, and it made him want to squirm out of his seat. 

Once the food was gone, the tension remained. Castiel sat quietly, trying to be patient for Dean. 

“Sorry, I just had to think.” 

“It’s okay.” Castiel let out an internal sigh of relief.

“You know I’m bad about talking about this kind of stuff, so forgive me if I sounds stupid. Honestly, I’ve been having a really hard time lately too. This is the first homemade meal I’ve made since we broke up. If you saw my garbage, it’s all takeout. I bought a cupcake at a bakery the other day and then got angry because it wasn’t as good as yours. Bobby even said I was acting weird. I’m with you on that. I haven’t felt any better about this since it happened. I wish it had gone differently. I can’t blame you for being angry, though. You may be ready to forgive me, but I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive myself.”

Castiel’s chest hurt a little. He hated the idea of Dean ditching cooking and feeling like shit.

“If you really think we can get through this and make it work, then I’m in. I never thought I’d be someone to run back to an ex, but honestly I haven’t even been able to call you my ex. It just hurt too much to even think about. I can’t imagine how you must have felt towards me, and I deserve it. I don’t deserve for you to come back to me after that. I was never emotionally cheating, but I physically cheated on you for our entire relationship. The problem is, I can’t stop doing it, at least not right now. Sam still has three years of law school left, and even with loans he can’t afford it, so I’m sending him money still. I can’t stop doing what I do, and I’d need you to be okay with that. Because if you’re not, we’re just going to grow apart slowly, and I think that would kill me.”

Castiel took a few seconds to think over everything Dean said. “The thing is, once I really thought about it, I didn’t consider it cheating. I thought so in the moment, but later I realized that it didn’t really count, at least not to me. If you were seeking other sexual partners, that’s cheating, but for you it’s a job, and that’s different to me. What I was really angry about was the lying. If we’re going to try this again, you can’t lie to me anymore, about anything. I’m willing to trust you again if you can promise me that.”

Dean nodded. “I promise. I’m done lying. It was stressful and horrible. So, you’d really be okay if I kept my job? It’s okay if you’re not. We can just be friends if that’s the case.”

Castiel nodded. “I’m sure I’m okay with it. You’re not even having sex with clients. I don’t want you to give up that revenue stream for me.”

Dean smiled a bit. “So, you’re ready to try again?”

“I am.” Castiel felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “But, I don’t think we should throw ourselves back into this headfirst. We should start slow.”

Dean nodded. “Agreed.” He thought for a moment. “So, you wanna watch a movie or something?”

Castiel nodded and smiled softly. “I’d like that.”

Dean and Castiel both stood up, taking their dishes to the sink. It felt natural, and it was just like every other dinner they shared together. The tension had faded from the atmosphere. They moved together in the kitchen in harmony. 

Dean let Castiel pick out a movie for them to watch. Castiel suggested that they finally watch Star Wars, since he had never seen it before. Dean was more than happy to show him. 

They stayed about a foot apart for the first twenty minutes of the movie, but then Castiel found Dean’s hand in between them. Their fingers intertwined, sliding together like two puzzle pieces. It wasn’t much, but to Castiel, it meant the world. It was almost enough to make him emotional. He couldn’t believe that he had this second chance with the man he loved so much. His heart felt full, and he promised himself that he wouldn’t screw this up.

~~~

“You’re getting flour everywhere, Dean.”

“I’m going to clean it up, I always do.”

Castiel huffed. “You could at least wipe it up as you go, that way you don’t have a bigger mess at the end.”

“Okay, well you don’t have to gripe at me over every little thing!”

“Don’t yell at me!”

Dean turned around. “Now you’re yelling!”

“Because I’m angry!”

“Why?!” Dean shouted, throwing his hands in the air. “You’ve been acting pissy all fucking day, and you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and looked away from Dean. It had been a month since they got back together. Everything had gone back to normal now, until today. They had been bickering over every little thing that came up. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, figure it out and stop taking it out on me, for god’s sake.” He turned back around to keep working. 

Castiel leaned against the counter, digging down to figure out what was bothering him. Nothing had happened. Dean came over last night, a Friday night. They even had sex last night, and it was good. They hadn’t explored anything with kink again, but they had switched positions. They both preferred it when Castiel topped, and it made the sex so much better. 

It hit Castiel when he started thinking about last night. Dean had asked him to be gentle, because he had an impact scene the day before. The marks on his ass and thighs were still there, clear as day. It hadn’t bothered Castiel in the moment, but clearly it was getting to him now. 

Now that he knew, he felt worse. He really felt like he was okay with all of this, but seeing it and having to accommodate for it was a whole other story. He didn’t think about Dean’s job much, not unless Dean was venting about it, which he didn’t mind. He was happy to provide support for him. 

Dean started plating the fried chicken he was making. He was tense in the shoulders and clearly frustrated. He didn’t talk to Castiel as he carried the plates to the table and dropped them a little rougher than usual. 

Castiel sat down at his seat. “Thanks.” He sighed. “I figured it out.”

“Hm?”

“Last night, you still had a bunch of marks from a scene. I didn’t think that it had upset me in the moment, but it’s what made me pissy today.”

Dean paused. “I thought you said you were okay with all of this?”

“I am.” He stared at his plate of food. “I don’t know why it upset me. Maybe because the marks bothered you. I know they hurt. You’ve been moving gingerly since yesterday.”

Dean nodded. “In fairness, I’ve been in a weird headspace too. I safeworded during that scene, and the guy didn’t hear me. I panicked for a solid five minutes while he kept going, and he stopped when I yelled my safeword again.”

Castiel frowned deeply. “Dean, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I try not to talk about the specifics of work with you too much. I thought you didn’t like it when I did.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I don’t mind. I’m here to support you, and besides, that’s different than just talking about a scene you liked. Are you okay?”

Dean nodded. “I’m okay. I’m just...I’m probably going to take a break from it. I’ve been lucky and had mostly good clients. I have some regulars, and I mostly teach newbies. But you get bad ones every now and then. I told my boss about what happened, and I won’t ever have to scene with that guy again, so there’s that.”

“If you think that would help you, then you should do it. I don’t want you to do something you hate, or something that makes you upset.”

Dean sighed. “I haven’t loved that job since we started dating, the first time. It’s felt more like a chore than anything. If I had another option, I’d take it, but I haven’t found anything. I don’t have to do it for much longer. Maybe another year. I’ve saved up enough that I can stop before Sam finishes school, if I keep up the same amount of appointments I have now. I can afford a break for a week or so, but that’s it.”

Castiel listened quietly, nodding along. “You know I’ll support you in whatever you do, right?”

“I know. Thank you.”

“I love you.”

Dean smiled softly. “I love you too.”

Castiel started eating the chicken Dean had made, humming through every bite. “I was thinking of making macarons tonight. Want to help?”

Dean smiled and nodded. “Can we make the nutella ones? Those are the best.”

“Of course, I think I have everything for those.” 

They went quiet as they finished their dinners, leaving picked-clean bones behind on their plates. They cleaned up the dishes together, and Dean wiped up the floury mess on the counter. Once the kitchen was clean, Castiel started gathering ingredients for the macarons. 

Dean pulled out the stand mixer and pulled out measuring cups and spoons. He always tried to help Castiel bake in whatever way he could, just how Castiel would help him cook. 

Castiel got to work baking while Dean watched from the other side of the counter. 

“As much as I’d hate to bring the mood back down, we should figure out why the marks bothered you. It’s something that’s going to keep happening, and we can’t fight every time it does.” Dean leaned on his elbows on the counter. 

Castiel sighed. “You’re right.” He was sifting together the dry ingredients. “I can’t really pinpoint it. I know it’s not entirely jealousy.”

“So jealousy is a part of it?”

“Maybe. I’m sorry.”   
  


Dean shook his head. “It’s okay.” He thought for a moment. “Would you feel better if we did some of that stuff too?”

“I thought you wanted a break.”

“I want a break from work. It’s not work when it’s with you, it’s just kinky fun. Besides, we haven’t even tried it again since that one session, except for your usual bossiness.” He teased.

Castiel rolled his eyes a bit, separating egg whites in a bowl. “Maybe. That is a good point.” He tried to think more about why he felt the way he did. “Maybe I was bothered because I felt like you could only get that stuff from work, and the physical evidence reminded me of that?”

Dean nodded. “I get that. So you think trying another scene would help? I can’t do impact for at least a few more days, my ass is killing me.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to try that yet, so we can just cross that off the list.” Castiel poured the egg whites into the stand mixer and turned it on. “I don’t know for sure that it will help, but it can’t hurt to try, right? I think we worked well together that one time, so why not do it again?”

“Yeah, we worked really well together. You have good intuition for it, and we already get each other in a sexual sense. Is there anything in particular you want to try?”

Castiel thought for a moment. “I want to fuck you while you’re tied to the bed.”

Dean grinned. “God, that sounds amazing. And, um, you don’t have to be gentle tonight. I’m still tender, but not as much as last night, and I kind of get off on that feeling.”

Castiel nodded, a smirk coming to his face. “So it’s settled then? I’ll tie you to the bed and fuck you into the mattress?”

Dean’s eyes were dark and wide, his cheeks rosy red. “Jesus, Cas, if you turn into a dirty talker during this I’m going to lose my mind. I’m turning you into a sex god.”

Castiel raised a brow. “And I wasn’t before?”

Dean looked like he was going to melt. “Of course you were, but this is another level. God, put that stupid eyebrow down, you’re killing me here.”

Castiel smiled, his face going soft again. “I’m just messing with you.” He started folding the batter together. 

Dean shifted. “How long do these take to make again?”

“Mmm, another hour or so. I have to let them sit out for a few minutes before they bake, and I have to make the buttercream and put them together once they’re cool.”

Dean groaned. “Can we do this while they’re in the oven?”

“I have to rotate the pan every five minutes, and they’re only in there for twenty minutes.”

Dean pouted. “Damn it.”

Castiel chuckled softly. “You can be patient for me, right love?”

Dean whimpered. “I’ve died and gone to sex heaven.”

“Are you going to answer me?” Castiel’s voice had an edge to it.

Dean quickly nodded. “Yes, I can be patient.”

Castiel knew he was pushing himself a little with this, but it was fun. “Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir. Jesus christ…”

Castiel grinned proudly and went back to his baking. He tried to be as much of a tease as possible. He walked behind Dean and brushed against his back. He rolled up his sleeves and bent over to put the pan in the oven. When he stood up, he walked over to Dean and brushed his lips over his neck, his hand sliding across his chest. Dean was putty in his hands, and it was amazing. 

Every five minutes, Castiel opened the oven and rotated the pan. He started working on the nutella buttercream while the macarons baked. He had Dean pass him the ingredients, just to order him around a little. When the macarons came out of the oven, he set them aside to cool, pleased with how they came out. 

Dean scooped his finger through the buttercream to taste-test it, but Castiel grabbed his wrist before the finger made it to Dean’s mouth. He pulled Dean’s hand back and licked the buttercream off himself. 

“Tastes good. Keep your fingers out of my bowl.”

Dean gulped and nodded. “Yes, sir.” 

Castiel filled a piping bag with the frosting and set it aside. He had to wait for the macarons to cool before icing them, so to fill the time, he backed Dean up against the counter and kissed him deeply, hands holding his hips. 

Dean moaned softly into Castiel’s mouth, arms wrapping around his neck. He was half-hard against Castiel’s hips, cheeks still flushed red with arousal.

Castiel ran a hand through Dean’s hair and grabbed a handful of it, pulling his head back. He exposed Dean’s neck and kissed down it, humming against the skin. 

“Shit, Cas…”

Castiel looked up at Dean’s face, grinning when he saw the expression there. He did that. 

“You sure we have to wait until these are completely done?”

“I thought you wanted them.”

“I do, but I’m about to lose my mind here.” 

Castiel reached out and touched one of the macarons. They were still hot. “Hm, I guess it’ll be awhile. Okay, we can go upstairs.”

Dean let out a sigh of relief. “Finally.”

Castiel let go of Dean’s hair and stepped back from him. He took Dean’s hand and started leading him upstairs. About halfway up, he paused. “I don’t have anything to tie you up with.”

Dean thought for a moment. “What about your ties?”

“That could work.”

Dean started pulling Castiel up the stairs. “Yeah, it’ll work. Let’s do it.”

“You’re being awfully bossy.”

Dean huffed. “You offered to tie me up and fuck me into oblivion. I’m a little excited to say the least.”

Castiel followed Dean into the bedroom, which was perfectly tidy again. “Okay, okay. I’m coming.” He walked over to his closet and grabbed two of his cheaper ties to use. “Will these work?”

Dean nodded quickly. “Yes, they’re perfect, let’s do this.” He was already kicking his shoes off and beginning to undress. 

Castiel appreciated the enthusiasm, but it was a little fast. “Stop, let me undress you.” He walked over to Dean, who had frozen on the spot. He ran his hands down Dean’s sides and pulled him closer by the hem of his pants. Castiel slid his hands up underneath Dean’s shirt and pulled it off over his head. He unzipped Dean’s jeans and slid them down his thighs, letting them drop so he could step out of them. 

Dean swallowed, blushing under Castiel’s heavy gaze. He brushed a hand over Castiel’s chest, lips parted slightly. 

Castiel fully undressed Dean, leaving him stark naked while Castiel was still fully dressed. He gently pushed Dean back onto the bed and followed him down, hovering over him while he got into position. 

Dean reached up and behind himself, finding the slats of the headboard. He squirmed impatiently, staring up at Castiel.

“Color?” Castiel just remembered to ask, and made a mental note to check in again later.

“Green, sir.” Dean swallowed. 

Castiel moved up the bed and tied one of Dean’s wrists to the headboard. He checked how tight it was. “It’s not too tight, is it?”

Dean wiggled his fingers and shifted his hand. “No, I don’t think so.”

Castiel repeated the action on Dean’s other wrist, checking again that it wasn’t too tight. He sat back and admired his work. Castiel knew he had a kink for this, but seeing Dean tied up was on a whole other level. 

Dean pulled at the ties a bit, checking to see how the ties felt. He hummed with satisfaction. “So, you gonna go all out on me?”

Castiel grinned. “Is that what you want?”

Dean nodded. 

“Why don’t you tell me how much you want it?”

Dean moaned. “Fuck, Cas...God, I don’t just want it, I need you to fuck me into next week, right now or I’m going to lose my damn mind, please.”

Castiel smirked. “Good boy.” He paused, having never used that address with Dean before. Before he could ask about it, Dean was already moaning his approval. Castiel shifted back until he was in between Dean’s legs. He slowly pulled his shirt off over his head, putting on a show for Dean, who helplessly watched. 

Once he was naked, Castiel dug through the bedside drawers for the lube. It was right on top, having been used the night before as well. When Castiel sat up and looked down at Dean’s ass, his stomach turned a bit at the marks. They looked worse today, red lines outlined with blue bruises. 

“Cas?”

Castiel looked back up at Dean. “What…What did you get hit with?”

Dean paused. “Flogger.”

Castiel stayed still for a moment before leaning down and kissing the back of Dean’s thigh. Somehow, that made him feel better. He realized where the root of the problem was. He didn’t like seeing Dean in this much pain. He swore right there that he would never hurt Dean in a way he didn’t want to be hurt, and that he’d take care of him afterwards every single time. 

Dean watched Castiel kiss over the marks. “Are you okay?”

Castiel sat up a little, smiling softly. “I’m good. Really good. Let’s continue, shall we?” They could talk about it after.

Dean nodded with a soft smile. He seemed to notice that Castiel had relaxed. “Definitely.”

Castiel poured a dollop of lube on his fingers and rubbed them together, warming up the cold substance. Once it was the same temperature as his fingers, he rubbed them over Dean’s hole, circling the pucker. “Talk fantasy to me while I prep you. Have you ever had one about me?”

“Shit, I’ve had too many to count...Ever seen a sex swing? I might be in love with those things. Not as much as I love you, of course.” Dean paused to moan softly at the first finger pushing in. “I used to think about you fucking me in a sex swing while I jerked off. I’m kind of an exhibitionist too. I want to go out in public while wearing a vibrating plug, and you have the remote. We go to dinner and-ah! And you turn it on while I’m trying to order. I know you’d sit there with a stupid smug grin and that goddamn dom eyebrow.”

Castiel listened with intrigue, two fingers curled against Dean’s prostate. “Those sound fun. Anything else?”

“I want to teach you shibari. I’m kind of shit at it, but we could learn together. Ever seen it? It’s Japanese rope bondage and it’s fucking gorgeous. This, right here, was a big fantasy of mine. I had my suspicions about you being kinky, but I was too nervous to ask about it, but I thought that maybe I’d talk you into doing this one day, and I knew it would be hot.”

Castiel pulled his fingers free with a hum. “I want to try everything with you. I want to learn about everything that makes you tick, I want to find out what we can do together, and I want to fulfill all of your wildest fantasies.” He wrapped his hand around himself and stroked, groaning softly. “You are hot Dean, but tied up like this? Impossibly hot. The things I would do to you like this…”

Dean whimpered. “Please, need you-”

“I’ve got you.” Castiel whispered. He lined himself up.

“Come on, Cas, give it to me. Take me.”

Castiel was going to start slow, but with motivation like that...He pushed all the way in, making Dean cry out and tug on the restraints. 

“Fuck! Yes!”

Screw starting off easy, they both wanted this hard and fast. Castiel pulled back and slammed into Dean with all the force he had. The bed bounced off the wall, and Castiel was suddenly glad that they were in his house and not Dean’s apartment. They’ve already pissed off the neighbors before. 

Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel’s waist and dug his heels into the small of his back, panting and moaning wildly. 

Castiel needed to put his hands somewhere else, and he wanted to hold Dean. He grabbed the backside of Dean’s legs and unwrapped them from around his waist. He damn near folded Dean in half, pushing his legs back close to his shoulders. He had more leverage now, so he went even harder, thrusting hard enough to bounce the bed off the wall. 

Dean’s mouth dropped open and he cried out, his legs starting to tremble. “Fuck, Fuck! Cas!” He tightened around Castiel, coming hard and untouched on his stomach.

Castiel blinked and slowed down once Dean had stopped coming, unsure of what to do.

Dean panted and looked up at Castiel. “Don’t stop. Keep going.”

“But you-”

“Doesn’t matter. I want it. Keep going.”

Castiel took Dean’s word for it. He got his footing again, shifting his knees, then slammed back into Dean, picking up the same pace as before.

Dean groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds. He even looked overstimulated, but he seemed to love it. His freckles nearly glowed over his bright red cheeks. The green in his eyes was nearly gone from how wide his pupils were blown. 

Castiel wiped some of the sweat off his forehead and held Dean’s thighs a little tighter. He was getting closer and closer now, and it was starting to seem like Dean was getting close again too. Castiel shifted his angle a bit, making sure to nail Dean’s prostate. 

Dean yelled out Castiel’s name, and came again, his entire body shaking. The second orgasm was enough to send Castiel over the edge, coming with a shout. His hips stuttered and he came to a stop, his body aching with exertion. 

Castiel had just enough energy to pull out and reach up to untie Dean’s wrists. Once he was free, Dean was like a clingy octopus, grabbing at Castiel and trying to pull him closer. 

“Just a second, I need to clean you up a bit.” Castiel slid out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He wet a washcloth with warm water and returned to wipe up the mess on Dean’s stomach and the come leaking from his ass. 

Dean looked like he had ascended into another dimension. He laid still on the bed, panting and staring at Castiel. “Holy shit.”

Castiel set the cloth aside and laid down on the bed, pulling Dean into his arms. “Agreed.” 

They laid there for a few minutes to catch their breaths and process everything. Castiel spoke first. “You came twice.”

“I know. That was amazing.”

Castiel smiled softly. “It was. I’m glad you liked it too.”

“You seemed to have some kind of revelation about the marks. What was that about?”

Castiel hummed, stroking Dean’s hair. “I realized why the marks upset me. I know I’d probably be into impact play. I like the idea of you being sore and getting hard thinking about why. The thing is, you’re not happy about how you’re sore today. You’re just hurting, and I hate that. I hate that I couldn’t take care of you as soon as it happened. So I swore to myself and to you that I’ll never hurt you in a way that you don’t want to be, and I’ll always take care of you afterwards. You know, if you have a rough night at work, you could always come here and let me help.”

Dean curled up closer to Castiel. “You sure? I get off work really late some nights.”

“I’m sure. You could come sleep in my bed and I could hold you all night and make sure you’re okay.”

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel and hugged him tightly. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Castiel kissed the top of Dean’s head. “You’re amazing. You deserve to be treated well. I promise I’ll do my best for you.”

“Thank you. You know, it goes both ways. I get to take care of you too.”

Castiel nodded. “I know.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s cheek. “You feeling okay after that scene? Nothing weird like last time?”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I feel good.”

Dean smiled. “Perfect.” He hummed. “I’m glad I have one more day to do nothing. I’m not going to be able to walk right tomorrow. If I knew you could fuck like that, I never would have topped for so long.”

Castiel laughed softly. “I’ll be here to help.”

Dean rested his head on Castiel’s chest for a few seconds before his head popped up. “The macarons.”

Castiel blinked. “Oh, you’re right. I should go finish those. Do you want to stay here? I can bring some up for you.”

Dean shook his head. “I can walk down there. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Mmhm.” Dean sat up and stood up, his legs wobbling a bit at first. “Yeah, I got it.” He grabbed a pair of sweatpants out of his drawer of clothes and pulled them on. 

Castiel got up and put on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. He led the way back down the stairs and gently touched one of the macarons, pleased to find them cool. He picked up his piping bag and swirled the buttercream onto half of the macarons. He topped each one off and stood back to admire his work.

Dean looked at Castiel, then started slowly reaching out for a macaron.

“You can have one.”

Dean grinned and grabbed one, taking a big bite out of it. He moaned. “Oh yeah, they’re delicious.”

Castiel picked up one off the tray and took a bite. He nodded. “Yeah, those are great. Good suggestion for the flavor.”

Dean smiled, leaning against the counter while he finished the treat. He ate one more while Castiel boxed up the rest and put them in the fridge. He walked up behind Castiel and wrapped his arms around him. “I love you so much. Next time you feel pissy, tell me so I can help you.”

Castiel leaned back against Dean with a soft smile. “I will. Promise.” With that, he knew deep down that they were going to be okay. They could work through anything that came their way, and come out stronger at the end of it. 

~~~

Dean’s prediction of how long it would take him to be able to quit working as a submissive ended up being correct. It was nearly a year later that he worked his last night there. Castiel made an apple pie to celebrate. He knew how much Dean had wanted to quit, and it wasn’t just the end of a job they were celebrating. The biggest part of Dean’s financial burden was gone. He could pay off the rest of Sam’s college with his savings now and focus entirely on his job with Bobby. It was a huge relief. 

Castiel waited in the kitchen anxiously. Dean was due to arrive any minute. Castiel reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the little box he had stored in there. He smiled softly as he looked at the ring he had picked out. He quickly stuck the box back in his pocket when he heard Dean unlocking the door. 

Castiel picked up the pie he had made and held it out as Dean walked in. 

“Oh my god, you’re a gem.” Dean walked over to Castiel and kissed him. “Thank you.”

Castiel kissed Dean back with a smile. “You deserve it. You’ve worked so hard for so long. You deserve a celebration.”

“Is that the new recipe you got?”

“Yes.”

Dean moaned. “Fuck, marry me already.” He set his wallet and keys down with a smile.

Castiel’s eyes widened a bit. Did Dean know? Surely not. “Have you already had dinner? You should eat real food first.”

“I ate a sandwich before work. You?”

“I ate.”

Dean grinned. “Then we eat pie.”

Castiel cut each of them a slice of the pie, placing the slices on dessert plates. 

Dean dug into his pie like a hungry wolf. “Perfect, as always.” He hummed. “God, I’m so happy. I can’t believe today is actually here.”

Castiel smiled softly. “I’m really happy for you. Was it at least a good last day?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it was good. I had two newbies, always my favorites. One guy was so nervous, I felt bad. He didn’t get very into it, and I’m convinced that he’s actually a sub. I didn’t say that, though. I just...talked about how much I liked it.”

“Hey, you may have helped someone find their sexual awakening with that. Good on you.” 

Dean scarfed down the last of his pie and cut himself another small slice. “I swear, today can’t get any better.” 

Castiel finished his slice as well. He took a deep breath and set his plate down. “It might get better.”

Dean looked up. “Hm? How so?”

Castiel knelt down and reached into his pocket, pulling out the ring. 

Dean nearly choked on the pie in his mouth. “No fucking way.”

Castiel smiled up at Dean. “You make me the happiest man in the world, Dean. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He opened up the box and held it up. “So, will you marry me?”

Dean set down his plate, his eyes welling up with tears. “Fuck, I said I wouldn’t cry, damn it!” He laughed and nodded quickly. “Yes!”

Castiel had tears in his eyes as well. He took Dean’s hand and slid the ring onto his finger.

Dean grabbed Castiel by the arm and yanked him up into a kiss. “I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Dean, forever.” Castiel kissed his boyfriend, no, fiance like he meant it, holding his face like a precious treasure. His heart was full, and there was nowhere he’d rather be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also here's a[ link ](https://www.piesandtacos.com/nutella-macarons/)to the recipe for those nutella macarons. They slap. Hope you enjoyed! Stay safe out there everyone


End file.
